


am i going by the seasons alone?

by sleepovers



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Coping, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, For Me, I Don't Even Know, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi Centric, Original Character(s), Threats of Rape/Non-Con, this is to help me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-10-09 09:06:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17404037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepovers/pseuds/sleepovers
Summary: soonyoung is not okay, but he's going to act like it until he is.ora real life experience that i'm still trying to deal with.





	am i going by the seasons alone?

**Author's Note:**

> yes, someone did threaten to rape me, and we were really good friends. i'm still scared to this day. please don't sexualize this, i'm trying really hard to just get this out. i chose soonyoung out of all of seventeen, because i relate to him the most.

**_[ NOT PROOFREAD ]_ **

it happened the first time, in band class. 

"i'm gonna rape you." he says, and soonyoung clenches his clarinet tight in his hands. for once, he felt like he couldn't say anything and his blood ran cold. "that's fucking disgusting, seunghyun. what the hell is wrong with you?" his friend jihoon pipes in, holding his saxophone like a bat. seunghyun is laughing, and soonyoung plays it off, like he wasn't about to cry. "you're fucked up, why are we even still friends with you?" soonyung says, and his grip loosens. jihoon gives him a look, but soonyoung dismisses it with a smile. he's back to his bright bubbly self, and the band teacher missed the entire ordeal. no one needed to know anyway.

and then it happened again. and again. and again. and he told no one, ever. 

soonyoung is bright and happy, and is known for being the jokester of his friend group that consists of jihoon, junhui, seungcheol, mingyu, and hansol. he tries hard not to let things get to him, makes sure nothing on how he's really feeling ever shows. soonyoung wants to keep the peace, and make sure everyone is happy. and if that means he had to hide when he was dealing with shit, then ther's just always a price everyone has to pay. 

-

football season, means band has to play at the games. sitting out in the cold wearing nothing but a school t-shirt isn't soonyoung's ideal friday night, but jihoon and junhui are here so he guesses it's okay. junhui and soonyoung sit next to each other, as seunghyun sits behind them. soonyoung is scared, to say the least but with the way he laughs it doesn't show. junhui whips his head around with a expression of disgust on his face as he sits his clarinet down on the bleachers. "can you stop fucking touching me?" he says to seunghyun who laughs. his foot presses into the small of his back, teasingly near his ass. soonyoung's eyes widened, and his heart accelarates. 

it's fear, that wants to have him keep his mouth shut, so for ten seconds he says nothing. as soon as junhui even makes motion to turn sooynoung stands. "stop fucking touching him." soonyoung says in a stern tone. his eyes have fire in them, and his whole body prickles with fear. school bathrooms are not secure, _he  could do anything to you if you leave these bleachers._ seunghyun removes his foot, and soonyoung lets out a breath he didn't relaize he had been holding. "thanks soonyoung." junhui says, and he continues to talking. sooynougn could barely grasp what he was saying though, because he felt like his entire body was buzzing. he had just stood up to the boy who threatened to rape him. it wasn't much, but soonyoung had been thinking about it for a long time.

-

"aw soonyoung i wish you could come to the dance!" junhui says, squishing soonyoung's cheeks. "yeah, even i'm going, and i never leave my house." jihoon says, making the other's laugh. "i wish i could, but i'm driving out of town this weekend, and there's no way i can get out of it." soonyoung pouts, he actually wanted to go to the dance, but he had no chance. all of his friends were going, so he wanted them to keep him updated. 

 

jih000n: i'm going to fucking kill seunghyun

summersoons: what did he do? 

tallgyus: he said he was going to RAPE US.

summersoons:oh fuck

summersoons:i'm gonna fix this guys

summersoons: he'll pay for it.

for some reason, soonyoung felt disgusted with himself. he should've told his friends about what seunghyun said to him, but he didn't. he was scared, what if he actually did it? soonyung didn't want anyone to even know that seunghyun had that power over him, because soonyoung was supposed to be this cheerful sunshine right? soonoyung hides his feelings, unless he really needs to show them, which isn't very often. he knows he should've told mingyu and the rest of his friends what happened, and now he's facing the consequences.

soonyoung is supposed to be fearless, to stand against anything. a hothead really, once he gets mad he's mad, and there's no way to stop it until he's finsished. soonyoung was suppossed to be scared of nothing and nobody. but now, he felt such uneasiness in his stomach, that even the name of the boy made him want to fucking throw up.

-

"hey you fucking idiot!" soonyoung catches seunghyun in the hallway, he knows everything about the school dance. he doesn't care if his body is aching and shaking, telling him to run away, that he can hurt you. he no longer cares, the dull ache throughout his body will have to subside. "what do you want?" seunghyun answers, and soonyoung grabs him by his collar. "you will not, and i will say it again, you will not threaten my friends with rape ever again." soonyoung says, and seunghyun rolls his eyes.

"it was just a joke, take a chill pill." a chill pill? a fucking chill pill? "rape isn't a fucking joke dickhead. newsflash! people around the world suffere trauma from sexual assault, you can't just say that to anyone you fucking creep!" soonyoung is yelling, and he can't control his voice. he's so afraid, so he fights it with anger and revenge. "you might have been able to pull that fast shit because i wasn't  there, but i am now." soonyoung hasn't slept in weeks and he's so pissed at how seunghyun is just taking it.

"whatever, they'll get over it." which soonyoung finds funny, because seunghyun threatened to rape him almost two years ago, and he still loses sleep over it. soonyoung is still not over it, and he's fearful of being in the same room alone with seunghyun. if soonyoung won't just get over it, there's no way in hell his friends will.

"you're fucking disgusting, the universe will return it's favor." soonyoung stepped on his shoe, making him stumble. he can't believe he just stood up to the person he's been scared of for so long like that, in front of everyone. sure, soonyoung still hasn't told anyone. but baby steps, baby steps are the things that grow into big steps. 

**Author's Note:**

> the real life 'seunghyun' has been suspended. i have no clue what for, but i'm just happy he is. you can find me on:
> 
> instagram: at33n or saturationshuas  
> twt: shualuvies  
> tumblr: scorpiosvenuses


End file.
